September 25, 2013
From: Fake Larry Ellison
To: Oracle Executives
Subject: I'm the Best. Dreamforce is coming
Team,
First, I want to let you know I'm the best. As many of you already know, ORACLE TEAM USA just won the America's Cup in an unprecedented fashion, down 8-1. This is the only time team Oracle should be the underdog.
Which brings me to Dreamforce. My frenemy Marc Benioff is throwing his annual conference Dreamforce from November 18 - 21. I'm sure it won't be as good as Oracle Open World but we can't take that chance. What is the status of operation Oracle Cloud Cover?
Also, who covered for my keynote?
Regards,
Larry
From: Oracle Cloud Cover Product Lead
To: Fake Larry Ellison
Subject: Re: I'm the Best. Dreamforce is coming
Larry (can I call you Larry?),
The project is on schedule. Oracle Cloud Cover will be the first subscription, enterprise-grade, web-based weather machine. We assure you we will have at least one or possibly two rainy days during Dreamforce. We also estimate at least almost an inch of rain per day. And it integrates with Badgeville for gamification capabilities.
Regards,
Product Lead
From: Fake Larry Ellison
To: Oracle Cloud Cover Product Lead
Subject: Re: Re: I'm the Best. Dreamforce is coming
Wonderful. I had one of the junior guys in my staff whip up a mock-up. Can you make this happen?
You see this? Look at my yacht go!
Regards,
Larry
November 19, 2013
From: Fake Larry Ellison
To: Oracle Executives
Subject: Rained out! Also, Green Day Setlist
Team,
Congratulations to the Oracle Cloud Cover team. Today was a rainy mess. I suspect the reset of the conference is going to be a disaster if the rain keeps up.
Did we confirm Tré Cool will use the setlist we provided him? I'm getting him into the next Terminator movie so he better come through.
Regards,
Larry
From: EVP of Media Relations
To: Larry Ellison
Subject: Re: Rained out! Also, Green Day Setlist
Supreme High Commander,
I am pleased to inform you Mr. Cool has indeed gotten our request and will play our setlist. I am still a little unclear of the song choices but here is the setlist as you requested.
- American Idiot
- Nice Guys Finish Last
- Geek Stink Breath
- Know Your Enemy
- Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
Regards,
EVP of Media Relations
From: Fake Larry Ellison
To: Oracle Executives
Subject: Re: Re: Rained out! Also, Green Day Setlist
Isn't it obvious? All these songs show Marc that I'm still #1. Except for Time of Your Life. I just love that song.
Regards,
Larry
November 21, 2013
From: Fake Larry Ellison
To: Oracle Executives
Subject: What happened to the rain? Also, Salesforce1?
Team,
What happened to Oracle Cloud Cover? It's blue skies right now in the middle of November. Someone make that team redundant.
Also, I'm a little paranoid about Salesforce1. It looks like Marc is moving beyond cloud to own mobile first. No one's gotten productivity on mobile right so far. The open APIs allow integrations with countless apps in other devices, from wearables to gadgets, which enable unparalleled customer data acquisition and interaction. It is also smartly ties in with all the companies and products they've acquired and released over the past few years, including AppExchange.
Although, I suspect Marc is calling it Salesforce1 so I'll have to say on record "Salesforce won." Clever man.
Can we put something together for our mobile response? Let's call it Oracle 2 X Infinity. There's no number bigger than infinity right?
Also, who was in Iron Man 2? This guy.
Regards,
Larry