There are good reasons and bad reasons to write a blog, but I don't know what they are. All I know, is I'm in it for the fame, chicks and dollars. I don't know why everyone isn't cashing in on this racket, but it's just as well - I don't like to share.
I won't give away all my secrets, but here are a couple of tips you might study to decide if you, like me, really want to be a big-time blogger. My motivations are simple and pure:
I Wanna Be A Rock Star
Of course, I don't want to literally be a rock star. That takes time - at least one season of American Idol - and I'm too impatient to wait that long. I want to overhear people talking about me in the executive checkout line at fancy stores, and I want it now.
We've all gotten used to watching billion dollar communications corporations like CNN deliver the news by having their well-paid, professional journalists suddenly cut to some blogger for commentary on a story. Let's face it, did any of those bloggers sound smarter than you and a handy thesaurus? Of course not.
A few denizens of blog nation even emerge from their caves and, after being carefully cleaned, deloused and clothed by professionals, walk down a red carpet somewhere, surrounded by people who've actually accomplished something. That's my future, man - I'm gonna be that guy walking down the carpet listening to people ask themselves who the hell I am. Then, I will have arrived.
I just need to write enough content, or tweet enough about my content, or possibly harass enough C-list celebrities into following me on Twitter. Everyone knows that Hollywood is full of actresses desperate to date a man of letters, even if those letters are just about his cat's irregular pooping habits.
Soon, Sarah Silverman will notice my witty tweets, invite me to write for her, and soon after thrust her womanly bosoms into my face while crying out for me to take them and jiggle them moderately hard. I'm coming, Sarah-baby. Don't give up hope.
The Big Bucks
In case you haven't heard, there is a physical law of the universe that says if you have a blog, eventually Google or Facebook will give you $100 billion for it. Seriously, it happens all the time. In the meantime, you can put these ads on your blog that people will click on, and everytime they do that, you make - kaching - money. For nothing! You do NOTHING and people give you money. The best part? All that money is yours - you can spend it however you want, no matter what Mom says about saving for the future.
Why everyone doesn't have a half dozen blogs, I don't know. I'm going to start two new ones this afternoon cause I want to buy a new Volvo next week and I need some extra cash for the downpayment. I think I'll sign up for some affiliate programs; these are deals where you are connected to somebody else, and you put stuff on your blog and - you guessed it - moolah flows in.
Why am I sharing these valuable tips with you? Cause I'm confident they will make you "like" me on Facebook, and I read somewhere that every "like" is worth a million bucks, or something like that. It's just me looking out for me.
If you have any questions or maybe even some tips, send me a note via PayPal with a taste to wet my beak and I'll probably get back to you.