As I lay in bed on the eve of All Hallows Eve, my mind drifted off, my senses took their leave; far away from the chill of the great northern plains, to sunny Silicon Valley, where the warmth never wanes. When in my reverie, much to my delight, I envisioned a festive gathering of tech luminaries on Halloween night. With memory still raw, tho’ it may sound absurd, here’s what I saw, I give you my word…
Mark “Zuck” Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook - The Fonz. Ah, good ol’ Zuck. Much like everyone’s favorite leather-clad greaser, Zuck may be just another dropout who thinks he’s a bit too cool for his hoodie. On the bright side, with Q3 2013 revenues of just over 2 billion, he doesn’t really care.
Bill Gates, Microsoft Founder and Noted Philanthropist - Anthony Michael Hall as Gary Wallace in Weird Science. Not only is Bill a spitting image of the incorrigible 80’s teen icon, somehow I can see him letting loose much like Gary did in this unforgettable scene from the classic movie.
Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon - Mr. Moneybags from Monopoly. He looks the part, and with a net worth north of 30 billion, he can play the part. As Ace Ventura, Pet Detective would say, “and you must be the Monopoly guy…”
Marissa Meyer, CEO of Yahoo - Miley Cyrus. Perhaps still reeling from criticism that her controversially sassy “Hail to the Chief” Spread in Vogue wasn’t sufficiently feminist, Mayer says f#*t it and goes all out as a Twerking Miley Cyrus.
Jack Dorsey, Co-Creator of Twitter; CEO of Square - Carson Daly. A bit of a showman himself, Dorsey bears an uncanny resemblance to impresario Carson Daly, fueling speculation that they are, in fact, one and the same person… Carson, meet Jack.
Pete Cashmore, Founder and CEO of Mashable - James Howlett, aka “Wolverine.” With a profile that recalls everybody’s favorite homo-canine superhero from the Marvel universe, it’s perhaps not surprising that Cashmore finds himself at the helm of one of the most rabidly popular blogs in the tech universe.
Tim Cook, CEO of Apple - The Scarecrow. With sales still going strong but market share fading like a thief in the night, Google, Samsung et. al. have the former right-hand of Steve Jobs running scared. Later on in the evening, with the lights dimmed and the smoky rhythms of Kenny G filling the air, you may find him loitering around the punch bowl softly lamenting, “if I only had a brain...” (I’m kidding you, Tim- I’m a kidder).
Reid Hoffman, Tech VC and Co-Founder of LinkedIn - John Belushi. Giving due props to his favorite adolescent big-screen icon, you could spy Reid at the bar reenacting his favorite lines from Bluto’s Big Speech. Talk about linked in…
Larry Page, Co-Founder of Google - Spock. Are those Vulcan ears he’s hiding under all of that hair? Nevermind. Though casual Trekkies may mistake him for a Romulan, discerning nerds recognize a Vulcan when they see one.
Larry Ellison, Co-Founder and CEO of Oracle - Tony Stark. At the helm of a tech powerhouse with a cool name, Ellison is sporting a personal net worth of $41 billion. Given this, you can hardly blame the man for exuding an uber-confident, nigh on arrogant machismo - just like Marvel’s original bad boy tech billionaire extraordinaire. Power up, Larry.
Sergei Brin, Co-Founder of Google - Himself. A self-styled Techie 007, Sergei possesses enormous self-assurance that at times borders on arrogance. But hey, with a pair of Google Glasses in tow, what could be more intriguing than the man in the flesh?
What a ghoulish dream indeed. Happy Halloween, everybody!