Is Online Dating Right For People in Their 20s?

Posted on March 27th 2012

Is Online Dating Right For People in Their 20s?

Basing this on some mighty lonelyImage experiences living alone in the big city and essentially working my butt off, I found it almost impossible meeting someone.

Working in retail in Soho, the most amount of interaction I had with the opposite sex were usually gay. Sigh. It was just one of the biggest dry spells I had and all I wanted was to be adored and wined and dined. Why was it so hard? I didn’t think I was ugly and I do usually have some confidence when it comes to dating.

It wasn’t until after venting with my mother of all people, where she swore to me how good it was to online date when you really just don’t have the time to put yourself out there in real life. This coming from the mom already made me embarrassed and the fact that she was giving me dating advice altogether made me feel like I hit an all time low. But what the hell, I had nothing to loose and I was living somewhere where no one knew me.

So on I went, looking up the most suitable social media dating sites, just advertising myself and throwing myself in the gauntlet of online dating. I did my research and it seemed like the cool thing to do was, at 23 years old, go on OkCupid. It was less embarrassing than going on others and full committing and paying a monthly fee. Because still, I was embarrassed as it was. I really didn’t know what to expect. I put a few pictures up, answered all those ridiculous questions and I just waited until I got a bite. And boy did I get a bite.

It was extremely overwhelming. I was getting over 100 emails a day from the most random and creepy people. I won’t say that they were all creepy; there were few hopefuls but it felt like all these dudes in my age demographic was using these sites to essentially get people in bed. And that wasn’t the reason I was doing it. I have a bit more self-respect than that.

I took the opportunity that some decent guys offered me and I actually went on dates with people from the Internet. I still felt really weird about it but I really had nothing to lose, maybe except my life, because who the heck knows who these people really are any way. Ladies, I shouldn’t have to say this because you should already know this, but if you are going on an online date you need to meet in a public setting and have your friend on speed dial just in case you have to get out of there! Hello!

That’s exactly what I did. I went on three dates with three different dudes and went 0 for 3.  The first was a disappointment where as he just thought I was hot and didn’t care what I had to say. The second one had the balls to ask my best friend (who I begged to join with me on the site) out also and basically wanted a three-way thing (I wish I was kidding). And the third was literally the most quiet boring person on the face of the planet. He barely spoke a word and probably wanted to see if I really looked the way I looked in real life like in my pictures. What a creep.

So what I am getting at here is I really don’t think people in their 20’s are putting themselves out there online for the right reasons. But I am not saying it isn’t a successful approach to finding the “one.” I just think that you need to be older, with the right mindset, because it is definitely possible. The reason my mom pushed me to do this anyway is because she found the love of her life online, and is still with him today. It is definitely possible, but to me, now it isn’t.  What do you think about online dating? Share your story!

 

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Amanda Farina

Amanda Farina

SEO intern, fishbat

Amanda Farina is an SEO intern at fishbat an online marketing firm, located on Long Island, NY. She is working towards completing her Associates in Liberal Arts at Suffolk County Community College so she can move forward to accomplishing her Bachelors Degree. She has street smarts, she’s fashionable and loves to write. She has a lot of potential to having a great career in advertising and marketing and always does her very best at any task given.
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Comments

tomd
Posted on March 27th 2012 at 9:44PM

Such a beautiful girl with such a great family background should never give up.  The right person is out there. 

Amanda Farina
Posted on March 29th 2012 at 2:56AM

Very sweet of you, Tommy! Thank you!

ALittleNudge
Posted on March 28th 2012 at 3:21PM

Good article, and you make a lot of good points.  Online dating is certainly not useless in your 20s.  (I met someone online at 28, which is a little older, I guess.)  What's more important is what you're looking for.  If you do a paying site, you know people are a bit more serious because they have some skin in the game.  I always ask my clients what they’re looking for (mostly marriage) before deciding which site to join.  It's never a bad idea to do a paying and a free to see the difference and go on more dates.  Thanks! Erika
http://www.alittlenudge.com

Amanda Farina
Posted on March 29th 2012 at 2:55AM

Thanks for the feedback Erika! I hope that after my last efforts on online dating there will be something better in store for me, and if I have to pay to find the right guy, I won't say I won't do it, but unfortantely, financially, I am going to stick to the old fashioned way.

 

I am happy you are happy though! 

amog4l
Posted on March 30th 2012 at 12:08AM

I don't think dating sites should be used for the younger generation. It feels like every generation that keeps passing, there is a loss of the human interaction and communication. By pressing a few buttons in front of a screen, you can someone magically meet the girlfriend/fiancee/wife of your dreams? A little unrealistic.

 I personally believe that you have to meet people in person to see whether or not you click with them. How can you tell if someone is crazy/ gold digging/ cheap/ stalkish from the internet? Beats me.

I personally used online dating before, but then I learnt how to talk and meet women everyday. Its not science or alchemy, its just simple things that I picked up on over the months. If I can do this, anyone can.. and that is saying a lot. Anyways, I wrote my review on some of the programs here www.amog4l.com 

Amanda Farina
Posted on March 30th 2012 at 5:01AM

so funny i just wrote another blog about that! i should share it on here!

amog4l
Posted on March 30th 2012 at 7:49PM

do it! i would love to read about it!

esanders
Posted on June 17th 2012 at 7:28PM

I'm so glad I saw this blog! Most things I read about online dating sites talks about how great they are it's the way to go these days. Or it's the usual "So and so met their spouse on a dating site" blah blah blah. And my friends are saying "give it a chance"? I'm on OkCupid and I really don't think it's for me. I've had nearly the same experiences you've had only I haven't gone out on any dates yet. The funny part is, I've got some online dating stories without having gone on any dates with anyone from the site. Also something is lost on the internet: personality. It's like an assembly line for dates, but less functional; and I don't think I want to give it that much of a chance. It seems like the paying sites yield better results, but I don't want to pay for something I'm not thrilled about doing in the first place if that makes sense. Besides, what's to say that I won't meet someone in-person? Anyhow, I'm really glad you shared your experience. I'm sorry it happened, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one at odds with this online stuff.

AndyBRadio
Posted on November 18th 2012 at 6:31PM

Hi! i found your view really interesting on this. I am making a documentary about online dating and would love to talk to you about it! email me on andy-butler@hotmail.com if you want to know more, would love it if you did! 

 

Andy Butler

berezenco
Posted on September 14th 2012 at 8:28PM

Indeed some online dating websites have seen some success on bringing people togeather. But the problem is most of these websites offer the chance to millions of creeps to stalk people. I have tried some <a href="http://www.cougarfinder.net">couger dating</a> and surprisingly it worked for me but I am lucky.

Yuliatituk
Posted on April 16th 2013 at 4:37PM

You know Amanda I also faced the same problem. But I found that online dating is not bad, its even fun. Time of meeting guys while waiting for the bus have passed. Nowadays we hardly take any walks for pleasure. Instead we prefer to kill our time in front of computer. So how then to meet anyone?! I tried lots of dating sites but sometimes I met cool people but sadly mostly I was getting answers from some grandpas. But I never gave up,I kept staying on sites. Now I am using globogirls.com And I found very cool guys who I am planning a meeting now. I think that the key to success online is keeping it easy and casual just like in daily life, and not like some ppl do starting acting like desperate singles-for sure this turns off so  bad.

Peter Bean
Posted on May 11th 2013 at 11:13AM

So I checked that globogirls.com site it was a strange concept in the beginning but checking around I found out that it's actually a normal thing, lots of people travel around and wherever you go you might want to hook up with a nice girl wherever you go, they got this social travel network thing with articles where you can tag yourself as interested person to visit that place, I met 2 girls in a trip to east Europe and we got along now we meet once in a while when we can visit each other's town, all in all good site just you have to be realistic I guess, you must be interested yourself or have interesting ideas for girls (like invitation to show your town).

tekNorahAura
Posted on August 19th 2013 at 8:17PM

Amanda, thank you for bringing up this subject! It is one that our consumerist society has readily grasped onto, but I think it's misguided to a certain extent.

I think the concept of a dating website is commendable. However, most are flawed due to its main premise. Understandably, people goto these sites because they are not having luck at their local hangouts.  One thing you must first realize, most all men are hormonally, psychologically and sociologically driven to reproduce. The younger the man, these urges are more intense.  As an American woman, I have been encouraged to consistently seek out an emotional connection and purposefully evaluate each potential male to see if he "Daddy Material".  It is natural for a woman to do this, because seldom does a woman desire to raise a child alone. Even when the woman is not interested in children, she still subconsiously marks the same checklist when meeting a male in a social setting.

What is the solution, you ask?  Follow these simple principles and you will find your relationships more fulfilling:

  • Stop looking
  • Sex is Simple
  • Be Yourself
  • Just Hangout

I know, I know... You have heard this all before.  But, it is sound advice, none the less. Although it may appear logical, seeking a relationship often leads to unsatisfactory results.  The best relationships are like looking for a lost pair of keys. When you are looking intently, it is as if the carpet ate them.  However, often you find, that the moment you stop focusing on the search allowing your mind to relax and wander.... POP!!! There they are, on the kitchenette table, right where you left them.  This same principle can be applied when seeking a relationship.  

I am not saying that you should become celibate. In fact I am proposing something totally different. Contrary to popular belief, sex does not complicate things.  Sex is simply one of the basic pleasures. Often resulting from a night of food, drink & dancing, sex offers a level of physical intimacy that is unlike any other. So, it is understandable that our primal instincts are going to be tied to the act. It is no wonder that women tends to re-inforce the percieved implications of sex, by correlating it to the social norm of settling down, getting married and having children. Where men tend to make none of these correlations and regard sex as being as normal and essential as shelter and sustenance.  Now, don't get me wrong, men do have emotional and psychological needs in relation to sex.  They desire to feel strong, needed, wanted and capable.  Especially, in a relationship.

The third, and possibly most important axiom is to: Be Yourself!  Go, ahead, roll your eyes.  I knew you would!  I and many others have heard this one sooooo many times, that it seems a fantasy.  Why?  Well, it's just so... concise... presumptious... maybe even a little egotistical.  But, look a little deeper. You may be surprised to discover it's truth.  Remember the first bullet point?  Go, ahead, go back and review... I'll wait :)

****Queue Jeopardy Music****

Did you get it?  If not, don't worry.  Just like looking for your lost pair of keys, the more you primp, prop and jazz yourself up in preparation for seeking a serious relationship, the less you appear to be an attractive candidate. Period.

Combine these and set yourself free with the last guiding principle! This is the one that really ties it all together. Leverage your social interest groups and start interacting.  Instead of just reading, liking or sharing, step out of your shell, express yourself and ultimately, attend events.  Dating websites tell you that will be more likely to discover a more fulfilling mate if you share common interests.  While this is certainly true, your level of interest is often not easily quantified.  So, honestly, your best bet is to participate in your social circles.  Keep going to meetups and conferences, as you would normally.  Even try out an after-party or two. The relationships you garner from these interactions will likely be your most valuable.

Remember, the most important part is to let yourself relax.  Too many of us, especially in business, approach dating as some sort of business contract.  Worried that if you let your guard down, you will be screwed (literally) by a relationship that is either destructive, or worse, dull.  The best defense is not to allow your desire for a mate to drive you.  You are better than that.  You are worthy of a fulfilling pairing.  You are beautiful and unique.  Your match will find you when you least expect it!