Maybe your girlfriend dumped you or maybe you haven't had sex since the '90's....whatever the reason, the allure of the one-night stand may be greater than any sexual escapade in our culture. One-night stands are a firecracker of sexuality: short, explosive, easily found in Vegas, and they leave a lasting memory that often trumps the actual experience. Twitter is the one-night stand of the social media world, offering that short,explosive and instant relationship potential.
Unlike Facebook, where many (if not most) of your core contacts are people you at least know, if not vaguely, and LinkedIn, where most of the people with whom you are connected have either worked with or done business with you, Twitter is a world where pseudo-intimacies can be formed and ended with the click of a button. It's where clever strangers can bump into you and bolster your ego with one-liners (within a 140 character limit, of course), and where rejection reigns supreme. Not funny enough? Don't have enough to offer? Bye-bye to you.
The social norms on Facebook and Twitter seem to differ dramatically as well. Facebook is like going to the local coffee shop with a bunch of friends. You can talk about the every little thing that is bugging you or those "personal" health issues and your friends will let it slide. But on Twitter? On Twitter, the customs and rules are so intricate and elaborate that it's hard to keep up. Twitter is like the local nightclub where you use your best lines to attract a following. And just like the bar scene you have a very limited opportunity to make a first impression. Lines like "Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?" are now traded for 140 character tweets that become the sole factor on whether your are worth following or not.
Turning a One-Stand from Awkward into Awesome
So you went out to a bar, had a couple of drinks, seduced a hot college girl (ok, you may be still dreaming, but at least let's pretend like you did) and now you've woken up next to her in your bed. How do you prevent her from having a huge 'what was I thinking' moment at 9am? That is exactly the same issue you have trying to keep and grow your Twitter following. Whilst I'm sure you look hot at 9am, after five shots of tequila and an all night game of romper-room, here are lessons learned from your one-night stand that you could use to keep you're Twitter following:
- Avoid the Awkward Silence
There are some obvious pitfalls to you not speaking to her, or not communicating effectively the morning after. Especially if you cannot remember her name. The same is true for your new Twitter followers. Failure to engage with your followers will lead to follower regret. If you don't offer any 'after care' service, they will feel that they have to do 'the walk of shame' and un-follow you. There is nothing fun about quietly letting yourself out of some strange place and having to creep home wearing the exact same clothes from the night before. So save yourself and your followers the "morning after regret" and engage your followers more often than once in a blue moon. - Show Some Level of Intelligence
In all seriousness, not being able to string a sentence together, and a least some normal friendly conversation, is instant cause for regret. Whether it's in the bedroom or on Twitter, if you are awkward then they will be too. People are like particles and so often give you back exactly the same energy that they've been given. So if you come across as uncomfortable with the situation (of her waking up in your bed) then she'll feel uncomfortable too. And no girl wants to hook up with a guy who is 'weird' after sex. They want a man who is confident and at least at ease with her sexuality. The same is true for your twitter followers: if you are not comfortable with the platform and producing engaging, intellectual discussion, they are going to have twitter regret and unfollow you. - No Morning Sex
Okay ,there is an exception to this if you're both physically ill the next day, but for god's sake if she is stroking your back and snuggling up to you the next morning then have sex again! You're not a professional football player - you will be ok to have sex before work! The same is true for your new twitter followers. There is nothing more frustrating than following someone new, and you tweet them a few times and they do not respond. You feel used and abused. Twitter is not about notches on your headboard; when your Twitter followers engage you, RESPOND!
So learn from these 'post lay' tactics on how to engage your Twitter followers and in no time you will be the Twitter Casanova you have always dreamed about being. That being said, be careful. Much like in life, too much one-night stand behaviour on Twitter can lead to a bad reputation. Don't ruin your experience by making these preventable mistakes.
[photo: iStock Photo]