I like to think of myself as a disciplined person. I'm not so sure that I present myself that way (I do have a flair for randomness), but I can assure you there is empirical evidence that I have discipline deep inside me. I'll allow that most people probably think they have discipline. I don't know how many times I've heard a smoker say they can quit whenever they want only to fail over and over. Quick tip: don't buy that pack for the night out where you'll just have "one or two when you drink" so you don't have to bum from friends. You'll inevitably smoke the leftovers the next day.
I did quit smoking cold turkey and never went back, but that's not the discipline I'm talking about. I've also simply decided I wanted to run a marathon, trained, and did it. No doubt that takes a lot of commitment, but still that's not where I'm going with this. What I'm talking about is much harder to teach than discipline...something that's much more subject to outside influences and forces. This takes something that no mere OCD inflicted person can obsess about. I'm, of course, talking about completely finishing a ChapStick.
Honestly, I don't really want to use the brand "ChapStick" as the generic term here. It feels like brand favoritism with so many others out there. But really-what else am I going to write? Lip balm twisty thing? Actually, yes, that's what I'll use! Rolls right off the tongue like "nose tissue paper." Whatever you call it, the fact is that most sane people will never finish one. Ever.
I can only assume this includes you, too, because I've met only zero people who have finished one. You lose it; it gets too dirty; it melts in your car-something almost always happens. But (in what has to be the happiest form of sales for the Lip Balm Twisty Thing company) the one thing that seems to happen more often than not is that people don't have their lip balm twisty thing when they need it. You know how it happens: you're in line at the gas station and can't help but notice your lips are chapped, but, "oh no," you don't have your lip balm twisty thing on you. Your eyes dart around to the other customers. Surely they sense your discomfort. Worse, the gas station knows it, too. And there it is right next to the register...sweet, sweet relief.
It's not your fault and I can help. What I'm about to write may shock you. I'm the proud owner of two, yes TWO, fully used Lip Balm Twisty Things. How did I do it? Simple really-discipline. A steady hand. Annnnnd a little bit of strategy.
You see, the biggest disadvantage for a sufferer of chapped lips is that they must carry around their stick of anti-chap wherever they go. That's not only a hassle, but it leaves you open to an unprecedented barrage of "Is that a ChapStick in your pocket" jokes. Here's the secret - buy a lip balm twisty thing for all the places you may need it. One for the car, one for the house, one for the office and so on. The trick is to leave it there. That's its home. No further shall it stray. Youalways know where it is.
Then, out of nowhere, one day you'll go to put on some lip balm and...BAM! Congratulations!! You just finished a lip balm twisty thing. It only took you two years...and THAT's where your discipline comes in. Finishing one takes forever and it'll take everything you have to not want to twist all your balm up to see how much you have left. The whole process is not unlike waiting two years to open a Christmas present really. The only difference is that twisting your balm all the way up destroys your stick. A lip balm twisty thing that won't untwist - it's a horrible thing to experience and I don't recommend it after putting in so much hard work preserving it.
I'd love to hear your stories about when you finished your lip balm twisty thing, but I'll have inevitably forgotten about this post in two years. Luckily, I won't need your stories. All I'll need to tell you're a person of the upmost discipline is a quick glance at a fully finished lip balm stick thingy. Carry it with you and show it to all like a badge of honor. Then, next time someone asks you if that's a ChapStick in your pocket, say, "No, no it isn't. But it used to be." And just walk away. They'll probably know what you mean.
Probably.