Last week I shared that our "normal" has changed dramatically now that we've gone from 2 working parents with our son in daycare to one main source of income (that would be me) and one stay-at-home parent (my husband). This is a set-up that we've talked about off and on since Cole was born but were never sure how to make it happen. But every time we talked about it, it was assumed that I would be the working parent.


Why? Because, other than the one panicky moment when I dropped my barely-3-month-old infant off for his first day of daycare as I went back to work from maternity leave, I would never consider NOT working. I love being a mother and if life required me to stay home to raise my child I'd do it. But given the choice, I LIKE the intellectual challenges of business and strategy, the feeling of accomplishment I get from a successful project, the social outlet of my coworkers and network. And I appreciate my family SO much after a day at the office when I can come home and immerse myself with them.


Scott worked because it provided a paycheck, but for him working did not bring that same level of fulfillment. Being a full-time dad does. At some point in time he may revisit his options, but at least not until Cole starts school.



Now that we've got that straight - consider this. From images of sleeping late and pajama pants to the realities of preschooler needs, Scott is also now thrust for the first time into the world of the (traditionally) stay at home mom (a.k.a. SAHM). And men are not always welcome into the club.


When people think about a parent staying at home with the kids, they primarily think of a woman at home. And with good reason, according to BabyCenter.com, in families where Mom works, just 14% of Dads stay home. Women are still expected to be the more emotionally connected parent, and men are still expected to be breadwinners. Homemaking is one of the last domains that is openly swayed toward one gender - you see "Mommy and me" days at the mall, SAHM playdates in the local paper, and the rise of Mommyblogging. For Scott, he is realizing that he is a lonely minority.


And it dawned on me as I watched him struggle: As a middle class white male, this is the first time he has ever truly been the outward minority in a long-standing situation. When I say outward, I mean that you may be the only Republican in a room full of Democrats, but that doesn't mean you can't blend in if that's what you choose. But when you're the only dude in the middle of a pack of moms at a public toddler class, there's no hiding your...dudeness. And my husband is a cigar-smoking, Sports Center-watching, poker night-playing guy's guy. And here he was infiltrating Mommy & Me like a spy for all things testosterone.


I have faith that he'll win them over, The Moms (his words, not mine. Sometimes said with oracle-like awe, other times with frustrated contempt). They may not invite him & my son to the park for a playdate right away, but in time they'll see the unabashed tenderness of the man when he's with our son and feel a kindred spirit.