The other day I had a conversation with one of my fellow networkers. He was telling me that at another meeting he attended, one of the people who'd heard my talk was discussing some of my tips and how they could be applied to improve the networking group. My friend told me that what all of them realized was that certain basic skills of networking weren't being followed. Guests who visited weren't being followed up with and people in the group weren't making the effort to really connect with each other or learn each other's needs.
It seems like these basics of networking should be easy, but in truth they aren't, because they require people to do something that doesn't come naturally to them: Think of the needs of other people and put those needs first. The reason this is so hard is that humans are a self-involved species. You're average person tends to think of his/her own needs first. It's a survival mechanism, which has its own uses, but with networking that mechanism tends to be an obstruction that actually hurts your networking efforts.
One of the reasons I think the basics of networking is so hard is because people confuse networking with being social. Networking is oriented around a specific function of business, namely connecting people in your networking group with people who need their services. Being social, on the other hand, is mainly about social interactions and conversations. It's about having conversations with people you like. The problem with being social at a networking event is that it encourages cliques. You spend time talking with people you already know and like instead of trying to get to know that guest who has come for the first time and is probably nervous about meeting new people. When you are social at a networking event, you aren't focused on business, and the message you send out to any guest is that you aren't interested in them or in helping them grow their business. If I go to a networking event I've never been to before and no one makes an effort to talk with me, I likely won't go back because I know they aren't serious about their networking.
While social activities can be a part of networking, they should never be the main focus of networking, because they are a distraction from the purpose of networking. When I go to my lead referral networking meeting, I' m not going there to socialize. I'm going there because it is a business activity that I'm hoping will help me grow my business, as well as the businesses of other people in the group. As such, while I enjoy doing a bit of socializing, my thought process and actions are oriented toward networking. I want to learn more about the new person who is visiting for the first time than socialize with my regular networking people, because I do know those people and I will have future opportunities to socialize with them. My focus is on growing the group and helping it succeed.
When you go to a networking group, I think it's good to go in with an attitude of who can I help today. By focusing on who you can help, you'll be thinking of people who need help, both in and out of the group. You'll start making connections in your mind, based off information you've gathered that will help you make connections. And you'll be thinking about the group overall and how you can help it grow and become better at networking as a whole. You'll followup with people, either to get to know them better or to help them. You'll consistently show up to your networking meeting because you'll recognize that it's an investment of your business, a commitment of your integrity and an obligation to everyone else that you be at the meetings as often as possible.
The basics of networking actually aren't hard if you are willing to think like a networker and focus on the activities of networking over any other activity you could be doing at a meeting. As long as you understand that being social comes second to networking you will discover that you can pass a lot of leads and help a lot of people out, while also helping your group grow.