In our era of heightened expectations and outsourced responsibilities, I'm surprised that we aren't able to insure a holiday.
A single family get-together -- say, for Christmas tomorrow -- adds up to an apparent endless number of interconnected variables. Change one, and some and/or all of the others are affected. Weather, guest health, personalities, mood, food quality, presents, order of presents given, music, conversation topics, you name it.
Our mental pictures of a happy holiday are idealized and usually static, while our experience is dynamic and multi-dimensional. And thus full of risks.
So why can't we insure them?
I mean, I don't want to simply hope for a nice holiday event, or wish it had been more satisfying after-the-fact. And it's not like I'm ever going to be surprised by what happens, at least not completely, and certainly not if it's at an annual holiday shindig. Past events and behaviors already give me a range of possibilities, or identify the variables that might most impact the gig.
It shouldn't be surprise that no snow on Christmas might make everyone's mood slightly less cheery, or that too much might ruin things, too. There's a solid chance that my kid will find that electronic gizmo X wasn't the be-all/end-all gift she claimed it was on her wish list. Uncle Fred (or someone else) could arrive with a head cold, and the chicken might get overcooked. Some younger cousin will enrage an older one, whether by declaring an affection for anarchism, or simply refusing to answer questions in anything longer than grunts.
But if I can list these variables, why couldn't I assign values to them -- likelihood, casual links, the "cost" of resulting outcomes -- and insure myself?
I'm thinking three-levels of holiday insurance:
- Pre-Event Planning Services: If some outside agency could help me identify and assign values to my event variables, it might also assist with planning to avoid or overcome the negative ones (and encourage and expand the good ones). I'm too busy worrying about getting the card-chairs from the basement to think about how unpleasant cousin Daphne will be for the entire evening if she hits her head on the doorway like she did a few years ago. It would be great for some service to make a note of it, and give me a preparatory solution that let me (and my guests) reduce the risk of that variable to zero. Ditto for seating arrangements, trade-offs between what I cook vs. what I buy pre-made, and whether the field of Republican hopefuls can be safely discussed at all
- Real-time Event Support: One of the hardest aspects of any holiday gig is that once it's happening, there's usually nothing you can do about it. The event simply occurs, or unfolds. You ride the wave and hope you don't drown. When the appetizer singes, a friend of the family drinks too much, or the guitar for the video game my kid wanted only works once before going silent, there's no customer service to call for immediate assistance. What if I could call some real-time support line, kind of like an event concierge, who could get things done while getting them done still mattered to the quality of the experience?' Need more ice delivered? A homemade fix for radio game controllers? A new conversation topic for your niece who is sitting in the corner staring strangely at ornaments? Maybe there are a set of event health indicators -- number of arguments about God, sidelong references about how small my house is, percentage of food left untouched on napkins and plates, or gallons alcohol consumed -- that a service tracks in real time, and proactively offers advice before they lead to irrevocable changes to the party?
- Post-Event Payoff: Sometimes, planning an annual holiday event is like getting ready for a hurricane or earthquake; you can try to minimize the damage, but the thing is going to hit pretty much not matter what. If I can insure my roof or basement from damage, why can't I insure my party? If an argument is bound to happen, or the beans come out cold even after repeated irradiation in the microwave, it would be nice to get some monetary recompense the next day, just to soothe my jagged nerves. Assessing the cost, and then finding the investor parties interested in assuming such risks, would be far less dicey than spinning those cute-rate, never-going-to-get-paid home mortgages, wouldn't it? Maybe a post-party user assessment would canvas all party-goers, and come up with a conclusion review that triggered payoff not just to the host, but to everyone involved. We could all be "insured" from the possibility of having a bad time.
We can already insure our physical existence, and things like vacation travel commitments. It isn't such a stretch from insuring the material aspects of life, to insuring our ephemeral life experiences, is it?
Think holidays, secular events, even daily routines (imagine being able to insure your average weekday). The services and technology development opportunities might be immense.
It would also make the brand marketing a lot easier, if not simply a lot more fun. Who needs to get consumers to engage with cavemen or bulldog mascots when you can promise them great life experiences?
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