The Chinese symbol for listening, appearing at the close of our last post, is actually comprised of several other Chinese words - these are the symbols for Ear, Eyes, Heart and Undivided Attention. *

Think about it - some listen with their ears only, but still they do not hear; some listen with their ears and eyes, and we remain surprised how little they retain; Others listen with their ears, eyes and heart and sometimes we notice that they are deeply listening, but other times this seems only short-lived. The key is the smallest of symbols in the ancient Chinese word, and the one that makes all the difference in modern times...

Undivided attention

That's right - undivided, full, conscious attention. The very thing that, in its absence leads you to tell others your boss must have ADD. (Actually it's EADD - Executive Attention Deficit Disorder. There is nothing medical about this 'disorder'; it's a byproduct of too many to do's, too many inputs and not believing you can say 'wait' to the thoughts and impulses swirling around in your head.)

Those who listen with ears, eyes, heart and undivided attention are truly committing their full self to listening. We easily notice this in ourselves as the difference between when we are trying to multi-task while listening (usually leading us to stop the person and have them repeat themselves), compared with intentionally listening and choosing to put distracting inputs to the side.

Remember, undivided attention is not just choosing to ignore the distraction of your blackberry, iPhone, and whatever email messages are available at the moment; it is also choosing to shut out the drumbeat of your mental distractions (from your shopping list to what my someone else needs from you tomorrow to what the boss is expecting you to present at the next meeting). Only by shutting out those distractions does the person to whom you are listening really have your full and undivided attention.

And that is a choice we each make many times a day.

So you think you are really listening? Here's a simple experiment you try:

Step 1. At the close of your next meeting take a short mental inventory:

a. How often did the other person have my attention and how often was I multi-tasking, either in my head or literally with my blackberry, email, iPhone, mail, etc.?

b. How well did I hear their words, their intentions and believe I had a sense of what they were saying beyond the words actually stated?

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Brief confession: At a recent M Squared Group team meeting, someone mentioned a job candidate arriving the next day. A few minutes later, thinking that I need to review her resume later that day, I opened my outlook appointment, opened the resume and sent it to the printer, figuring I'd get it after the meeting. We happen to be in the midst of some office construction and the printer was temporarily moved within our meeting space (not that I noticed!) As the printer was warming up it made a loud enough noise to distract all of us, and since all of us were there in the same room (supposedly focused on the same topic), we found ourselves looking around the room 'Who did that?'...Mea Culpa!

It takes discipline to be a committed listener; we all slip up. The key is to recognize what happens to others when you don't give them the attention they expect from you.

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Step 2. As you get ready for your next 1-1 meeting, decide if you are going to give the other person your undivided attention and for how long.

a. Tell the person at the beginning they will have your full attention for X amount of time, and at the end see if you or they noticed anything different about this conversation.

b. If you can't give someone your full attention (for example, you are waiting on a call that can't be ignored) tell them in advance and commit to stay fully focused unless that particular call comes.

c. As before, take a mental inventory at the end to see how well you did

Step 3. Once you have tried this, even a few times, start to take note of the behaviors you see among others in meetings and when you are talking to them. You will find yourself more attuned to who really listens.

Now think about yourself as a customer considering a purchase that is important to you. Do you want someone who listens with their ears, eyes, heart and undivided attention or will you settle for only a little of their attention?