My friend Sara Santiago is awesome. She is also a very serious professional.
And she reminds us - and me - of something very, very important. Please pay attention.
Social Media - especially Twitter - is very serious business, all.
Please be mindful of that when you're out there.
It's very important that social media not be trifled with unless a definitive and hard-line Return On Investment can be calculated from it. It's critical that there always be a business reason tied into your participation, or it's an absolute waste of time. Do be sure we recognize that social media is the Second Coming, and abandon all hope that anything we've done in business before that is remotely relevant. Declare things dead, repeatedly.
Do not laugh. Do not use silly hashtags with abandon. Do not have insipid conversations about your dog or share pictures of cats. Do not discuss your weekend plans or your vacation or your interests and hobbies. Do not tweet about your favorite TV show.
Do not taunt Twitter.
If your Klout score is not on the rise, you had better share some more links, solicit attention via DMs, or Tweet more, for heaven's sake. Produce "content" at all costs, for you too are a Publisher now and we are expecting that of you. Be sure that you are counting your followers meticulously, and do indeed obsess when someone unfollows you.
It is important that you assert your authority and expertise at all times. It is important to correct others' mistakes or misinformation, and be sure that non-serious statements are interpreted as passive solicitations for your expert and clearly more experienced advice whenever possible. If you can, ensure that you take swipes at social media experts or gurus as a matter of principle and to establish just how very serious you are.
Ensure that you are tracking the number of retweets and likes you get at all times. Put them in a spreadsheet. Run analytics on everything, all the time. Marvel at them.
Do not make friends, for this is not real life. Do not invest in these avatars that call themselves humans unless they can do something for you, make you money, send you links.
Do not believe that social change can happen with social media as a catalyst. Do not seek out value in everyday conversation and connection, because that can only ever happen offline. Do not, under any circumstances, fall in love. And most certainly, do not suggest that social media can be fun, or that fun can have value. That would be foolishness of epic proportions.
Please, my friends. This is very serious business. I encourage you to give it the deference it deserves. Thank you for your attention, and be careful out there.